he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
