Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
