Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
