I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
