We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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