I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think my mom watched the whole time
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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