y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
