No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
