New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
