So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
