I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
