So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
