You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
