why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
