I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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