ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
