based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
