So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my being single is dangerous.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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