im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
