i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
