Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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