Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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