You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
