you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Green mimosas i think yes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
