I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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