Life is so much better after having sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
