I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
