you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
