But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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