He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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