Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
