I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
