she was so not down for the gang bang
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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