its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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