is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
