look no pants
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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