ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A+ Viking dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
