Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
