New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
