i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
