Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
