Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
