The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
