I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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