Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
