if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
