dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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