you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
