I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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