he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
