I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
