i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
even my farts smell like vagina
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
