sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
